The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove Chapter 1

This nonpareils for MomPrologueSeptember in pine tree Cove is a sigh of relief, a nightcap, a long-deserved nap. Soft autumn light filters through the trees, the tourists go back to Los Angeles and San Francisco, and pine tree Coves five thousand residents wake up to disc all over that they house once again find a parking place, beat a table in a restaurant, and walk the beaches without universe conked by an errant Frisbee.September is a promise. Rain will come at last and turn the golden pastures rough Pine Cove green, the tall Monterey pines that cover the hills will learn dropping their bringles, the forests of Big Sur will stop burning, the grim smile developed over the summer by the waitresses and clerks will bloom into some excellentg resembling real forgiving expression, children will return to school and the joy of old friends, drugs, and weapons that they missed over the summer, and eithervirtuoso, at last, will get some rest.Come September, Theophilus Crowe, the to wn constable, lovingly clips the sticky purple buds from his sensimilla plants. song thrush, down at the orient of the clout nail Saloon, funnels her top-shelf liquors back into the well from whence they came. The tree service guys, with their chain saws, begin down the dead and destruction pines lest they crash through individuals roof with the winter storms. Woodpiles grow tall and wide around Pine Cove homes and the chimney sweep goes to a twelve-hour workday. The sunscreen and needless souvenir s prepare shelf at Brines Bait, Tackle, and Fine Wines is well-defined and restocked with candles, flashlight batteries, and lamp oil. (Monterey pine trees receive notoriously shallow root systems and an affinity for falling on designer lines.) At the Pine Cove Boutique, the hideous reindeer sweater is marked up for winter to await being marked back down for the tenth consecutive spring.In Pine Cove, where no shorteng happens (or at least postal code has happened for a long con viction), September is an event a quiet celebration. The throng standardised their events quiet. The fence they came here from the cities in the first place was to get external from things happening. September is a celebration of selfsame(prenominal)ness. to each one September is like the last. Except for this year.This year three things happened. Not big things, by city standards, exactly three things that coldcocked the beloved status quo nonetheless forty miles to the south, a tiny and not very on the hook(predicate) leak opened in a cooling pipe at the Diablo Canyon Nuclear index Plant throstle Sand advertised in Songwriter magazine for a Blues vocalizer to play through the winter at the Head of the Slug Saloon and Bess Leander, wife and m some other of twain, hung herself. trio things, omens if you will. September is a promise of what is to come.Admitting You Have a ProblemDear, dear, how queer everything is today And yesterday everything went on just now as usual. I wonder if Ive been changed in the night? Let me intend Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember facial expression a subaltern different. But if Im not the same, the next question is Who in the world am I? Ah, thats the great puzzle LEWIS CARROLL,Alices Adventures in WonderlandOneTheophilus CroweAs dead people went, Bess Leander smelled pretty good lavender, sage, and a hint of clove. There were seven shaker c hairs hung on pegs on the walls of the Leanders dining room. The eighth was overturned beneath Bess, who hung from the peg by a calico cloth rope around her neck. Dried flowers, baskets of various shapes and sizes, and bundles of arid herbs hung from the open ceiling beams.Theophilus Crowe knew he should be doing cop stuff, scarce he just stood thither with two emergency medical technicians from the Pine Cove Fire Department, staring up at Bess as if they were inspecting the newly installed nonsuch on a Christmas tree. Theo thought the pastel blue of Besss skin went nicely with her cornflower-blue dress and the patterns of the English mainland China displayed on simple wooden shelves at the end of the room. It was 7 A.M. and Theo, as usual, was a little stoned.Theo could take care sobs coming from upstairs, where Joseph Leander held his two daughters, who were still in their nightgowns. There was no evid-ence of a masculine presence anywhere in the house. It was Country Cute bare pine floors and bent willow baskets, flowers and rag dolls and herb-flavored vinegars in blown-glass bottles Shaker antiques, copper kettles, embroidery samplers, spinning wheels, lace doilies, and porcelain placards with prayers from the Dutch. Not a sports page or remote fancy in sight. Not a thing out of place or a speck of cons verbaliseate anywhere. Joseph Leander must have walked very light to live in this house without leaving tracks. A opus less sensitive than Theo might have shout outed him whipped.That guys whipped, one o f the EMTs said. His name was Vance McNally. He was fifty-one, short and muscular, and wore his hair fuddled back with oil, just as he had in gritty school. Occasionally, in his capacity as an EMT, he saved lives, which was his rationalization for being a dolt the rest of the clock.He just found his wife hanging in the dining room, Vance, Theo pronounced over the degrees of the EMTs. He was six-foot-six, and even in his flannel enclothe and sneakers he could loom large when he needed to assert some authority.She looks like Raggedy Ann, said Mike, the other EMT, who was in his early twenties and excited to be on his first suicide call.I hear she was Amish, Vance said.Shes not Amish, Theo said.I didnt say she was Amish, I just said I heard that. I calculate she wasnt Amish when I saw the blender in the kitchen. Amish dont believe in blenders, do they?Mennonite, Mike said with as much authority as his junior status would afford.Whats a Mennonite? Vance asked.Amish with blenders.Sh e wasnt Amish, Theo said.She looks Amish, Vance said.Well, her husbands not Amish, Mike said.How can you tell? Vance said. He has a beard.Zipper on his jacket, Mike said. Amish dont have zippers.Vance shook his head. Mixed marriages. They never work.She wasnt Amish Theo shouted. conceptualise what you motive, Theo, in that respects a butter churn in the living room. I think that says it all.Mike rubbed at a mark on the wall beneath Besss feet where her black buckled shoes had scraped as she convulsed.Dont touch anything, Theo said.why? She cant squawk at us, shes dead. We wiped our feet on the way in, Vance said.Mike stepped away from the wall. Maybe she couldnt stand anything touching her floors. Hanging was the provided way.Not to be outdone by the detective work of his protg, Vance said, You bash, the sphincters usually open up on a hanging victim leave an awful mess. Im wondering if she actually hanged herself.Shouldnt we call the police? Mike said.I am the police, Theo sa id. He was Pine Coves notwithstanding constable, duly elected eight years ago and reelected every other year thereafter.No, I mean the real police, Mike said.Ill radio the sheriff, Theo said. I dont think theres anything you can do here, guys. Would you mind calling Pastor Williams from the Presby-terian church to come over? I need to b allowher to Joseph and I need someone to stay with the girls.They were Presbyterians? Vance copmed shocked. He had really put his heart into the Amish theory.Please call, Theo said. He left the EMTs and went out through the kitchen to his Volvo, where he switched the radio over to the frequency used by the San Junipero Sheriffs Department, thence sat there staring at the mike. He was going to catch hell from Sheriff Burton for this.North soaring is yours, Theo. All yours, the sheriff had said. My deputies will pick up suspects, answer robbery calls, and let the Highway Patrol investigate traffic accidents on Highway 1, thats it. Otherwise, you keep them out of Pine Cove and your little secret stays secret. Theo was 41 years old and he still felt as if he was hiding from the junior high vice principal, laying low. Things like this werent supposed to happen in Pine Cove. Nothing happened in Pine Cove.He took a quick hit from his Sneaky Pete smokeless pot pipe before keying the mike and calling in the deputies.Joseph Leander sat on the edge of the bed. Hed changed out of his pajamas into a blue business suit, but his thinning hair was still sticking out in sleep horns on the side. He was thirty-five, sandy-haired, thin but working on a paunch that strained the buttons of his vest. Theo sat across from him on a chair, holding a notepad. They could hear the sheriffs deputies moving around downstairs.I cant believe shed do this, Joseph said.Theo reached over and squeezed the suffer husbands bicep. Im really sorry, Joe. She didnt say anything that would indicate she was thinking about doing something like this?Joseph shook his head without feeling up. She was acquire better. Val had given her some pills and she seemed to be getting better.She was seeing Valerie Riordan? Theo asked. Valerie was Pine Coves just clinical psychiatrist. Do you know what kind of pills?Zoloft, Joseph said. I think its an antidepressant.Theo wrote down the name of the drug on his notepad. Then Bess was depressed?No, she just had this cleaning thing. Everything had to be cleaned every day. Shed clean something, then go back five minutes after and clean it again. She was making life miserable for the girls and me. Shed make us take our shoes and socks off, then lap our feet in a basin before we came into the house. But she wasnt depressed.Theo wrote down crazy on his notepad. When was the last time Bess went to see Val?Maybe six weeks ago. When she first got the pills. She really seemed to be doing better. She even left the dishes in the pass overnight once. I was proud of her.Where are her pills, Joseph?Medicine cabinet. Jos eph gestured to the bathroom.Theo excused himself and went to the bathroom. The brown prescription bottle was the only thing in the medicine cabinet other than disinfectants and some Q-Tips. The bottle was about half-full. Im going to take these with me, Theo said, pocketing the pills. The sheriffs deputies are going to ask you some of these same questions, Joseph. You just tell them what you told me, okay?Joseph nodded. I think I should be with the girls.Just a bit longer, okay? Ill send up the deputy in charge.Theo heard a car start extracurricular and went to the window to see an ambulance pulling away, the lights and siren off. Bess Leanders consistence riding off to the morgue. He turned back to Joseph. Call me if you need anything. Im going to go splatter to Val Riordan.Joseph stood up. Theo, dont tell anyone that Bess was on antidepressants. She didnt want anyone to know. She was ashamed.I wont. Call me if you need me. Theo left the room. A sharply milled plainclothes dep uty met him at the bottom of the steps. Theo saw by the badge on his belt that he was a detective sergeant.Youre Crowe. John Voss. He extended his hand and Theo shook it. Were supposed to take it from here, Voss said. What have you got?Theo was at once relieved and offended. Sheriff Burton was going to push him off the case without even expressing to him. No note, Theo said. I called you guys ten minutes after I got the call. Joseph said she wasnt depressed, but she was on medication. He came downstairs to have breakfast and found her.Did you look around? Voss asked. This place has been scoured. There isnt a smudge or a spot anywhere. Its like someone cleaned up the scene.She did that, Theo said. She was a clean freak.Voss scoffed. She cleaned the house, then hung herself? Please.Theo shrugged. He really didnt like this cop stuff. Im going to go talk to her psychiatrist. Ill let you know what she says.Dont talk to anybody, Crowe. This is my investigation.Theo smiled. Okay. But she hung herself and thats all there is. Dont make it into anything its not. The family is in pretty bad shape.Im a professional, Voss said, throwing it like an insult, implying that Theo was just dicking around in law enforcement, which, in a way, he was. Did you check out the Amish cult angle? Theo asked, move to keep a straight face. Maybe he shouldnt have gotten high today.What?Right, youre the pro, Theo said. I forgot. And he walked out of the house.In the Volvo, Theo pulled the thin Pine Cove phone directory out of the glove compartment and was looking up Dr. Valerie Riordans number when a call came in on the radio. Fight at the Head of the Slug Saloon. It was 830 A.M.MavisIt was rumored among the regulars at the Head of the Slug that under Mavis Sands slack, wrinkled, liver-spot ted skin lay the gleaming metal skeleton of a Terminator. Mavis first began augmenting her parts in the fifties, first out of vanity breasts, eyelashes, hair. Later, as she aged and the concept of alim ony eluded her, she began having parts replaced as they failed, until almost half of her body weight was composed of stainless steel (hips, elbows, shoulders, leaf joints, rods fused to vertebrae five through twelve), silicon wafers (hearing aids, pacemaker, insulin pump), advanced polymer resins (cataract replace-ment lenses, dentures), Kevlar fabric (abdominal wall reinforcement), ti-tanium (knees, ankles), and pork (ventricular heart valve). In fact, if not for the pig valve, Mavis would have jumped classes directly from savage to mineral, without the traditional stop at veg taken by most. The more inventive drunks at the Slug (little more than vegetables themselves) swore that sometimes, between songs on the jukebox, one could hear tiny but powerful servomotors whirring Mavis around behind the bar. Mavis was on the alert never to crush a beer can or move a full keg in plain sight of the customers lest she feed the rumors and ruin her image of girlish vulner-ability.When Theo entered the Head of the Slug, he saw ex-scream-queen mollie Michon on the floor with her teeth locked into the calf of a gray-haired worldly concern who was screeching like a mashed cat. Mavis stood over them both, brandishing her Louisville Slugger, ready to belt one of them out of the park.Theo, Mavis shrilled, you got ten seconds to get this nutter out of my bar before I brain her.No, Mavis. Theo raced forward and knocked Maviss bat aside while hit into his back pocket for his handcuffs. He pried mollies hands from around the humankinds ankle and shackled them behind her back. The gray-haired mans screams hit a higher pitch.Theo got down on the floor and spoke into Mollys ear. Let go, Molly. Youve got to let go of the mans stick.An animal sound emanated from Mollys throat and bubbled out through blood and saliva.Theo stroked her hair out of her face. I cant fix the caper if you dont tell me what it is, Molly. I cant understand you with that guys leg in your mouth.Stand bac k, Theo, Mavis said. Im going to brain her.Theo waved Mavis away. The gray-haired man screamed even louder.Hey Theo shouted. Pipe down. Im trying to have a conversation here.The gray-haired man lowered his volume.Molly, look at me.Theo saw a blue eye look away from the leg and the bloodlust faded from it. He had her back. Thats right, Molly. Its me, Theo. Now whats the problem?She spit out the mans leg and turned to look at Theo. Mavis helped the man to a bar stool. Get her out of here, Mavis said. Shes eighty-sixed. This time forever.Theo kept his eyeball locked on Mollys. Are you okay?She nodded. Bloody drool was running down her chin. Theo grabbed a bar diaper and wiped it away, careful to keep his fingers away from her mouth.Im going to help you up now and were going to go outside and talk about this, okay?Molly nodded and Theo picked her up by the shoulders, set her on her feet, and steered her toward the door. He looked over his shoulder at the bitten man. You okay? You need a doctor?I didnt do anything to her. Ive never seen that cleaning lady before in my life. I just stopped in for a drink.Theo looked at Mavis for confirmation. He hit on her, Mavis said. But thats no excuse. A girl should appreciate the attention. She turned and batted her spiderlike false eyelashes at the bitten man. I could show you some appreciation, sweetie.The bitten man looked around in a panic. No, Im fine. No doctor. Im just fine. My wifes waiting for me.As long as youre okay, Theo said. And you dont want to press charges or anything?No, just a misunderstanding. Soon as you get her out of here, Ill be heading out of town.There was a joint sigh of disappointment from the regulars who had been placing side bets on who Mavis would hit with her bat.Thanks, Theo said. He shot Mavis a surreptitious wink and led Molly out to the street, excusing himself and his prisoner as they passed an old Black man who was coming through the door carrying a guitar case.I spose a man run outta s weet talk and liquor, he gots to go to mo direct measures, the old Black man said to the bar with a conspicuous grin. Someone here lookin fo a Bluesman?Molly MichonTheo put Molly into the passenger side of the Volvo. She sat with her head down, her great mane of gray-streaked blonde hair hanging in her face. She wore an oversized green sweater, tights, and high-top sneakers, one red, one blue. She could have been thirty or fifty and she told Theo a different age every time he picked her up.Theo went around the car and climbed in. He said, You know, Molly, when you bite a guy on the leg, youre right on the edge of a danger to others or yourself, you know that?She nodded and sniffled. A tear dropped out of the mass of hair and spotted her sweater.Before I start driving, I need to know that youre calmed down. Do I need to put you in the backseat?It wasnt a fit, Molly said. I was defending myself. He wanted a slice of me. She lifted her head and turned to Theo, but her hair still cov ered her face.Are you taking your drugs?Meds, they call them meds.Sorry, Theo said. Are you taking your meds?She nodded.Wipe your hair out of your face, Molly, I can barely understand you.Handcuffs, virtuoso kid.Theo almost slapped his forehead idiot He really needed to stop getting stoned on the job. He reached up and carefully brushed her hair away from her face. The expression he found there was one of bemusement.You dont have to be so careful. I dont bite.Theo smiled. Well, actuallyOh fuck you. You going to take me to County?Should I?Ill just be back in seventy-two and the milk in my refrigerator will be spoiled.Then Id better take you home.He started the car and circled the block to head back to the Fly magnetic pole Trailer Court. He would have taken a back way if he could, to save Molly some embarrassment, but the Fly Rod was right off Cypress, Pine Coves main street. As they passed the depone, people getting out of their cars turned to stare. Molly made faces at them out the window.That doesnt help, Molly.Fuck em. Fans just want a piece of me. I can give em that. Ive got my soul.Mighty generous of you.If you werent a fan, I wouldnt let you do this.Well, I am. Huge fan. Actually, hed never heard of her until the first time he was called to take her away from H.P.s Cafe, where she had attacked the espresso machine because it wouldnt quit staring at her.No one understands. Everyone takes a piece of you, then theres nothing left for you. Even the meds take a piece of you. Do you have any idea what Im talking about here?Theo looked at her. I have such a mind-numbing fear of the future that the only way I can function at all is with equal amounts of denial and drugs.Jeez, Theo, youre really fucked up.Thanks.You cant go around saying crazy shit like that.I dont normally. Its been a tough day so far.He turned into the Fly Rod Trailer Court twenty run-down trailers perched on the bank of Santa Rosa Creek, which carried only a trickle of water after the long, dry summer. A grove of cypress trees hid the trailer park from the main street and the view of passing tourists. The chamber of commerce had made the owner of the park take down the sign at the entrance. The Fly Rod was a dirty little secret for Pine Cove, and they kept it well.Theo stopped in front of Mollys trailer, a vintage fifties single-wide with flyspeck louvered windows and streaks of rust running from the roof. He got Molly out of the car and took off the handcuffs.Theo said, Im going to see Val Riordan. You want me to have her call something in to the pharmacy for you?No, Ive got my meds. I dont like em, but I got em. She rubbed her wrists. Why you going to see Val? You going nuts?Probably, but this is business. You going to be okay now?I have to study my lines.Right. Theo started to go, then turned. Molly, what were you doing at the Slug at eight in the morning?How should I know?If the guy at the Slug had been a local, Id be taking you to County right now, you know th at?I wasnt having a fit. He wanted a piece of me. pillow out of the Slug for a while. Stay home. Just groceries, okay?You wont talk to the tabloids?He handed her a business card. Next time someone tries to take a piece of you, call me. I always have the cell phone with me.She pulled up her sweater and tucked the card into the waistband of her tights, then, still holding up her sweater, she turned and walked to her trailer with a slow sway. Thirty or fifty, under the sweater she still had a figure. Theo watched her walk, forgetting for a minute who she was. Without looking back, she said, What if its you, Theo? Who do I call then?Theo shook his head like a dog trying to clear water from its ears, then crawled into the Volvo and drove away. Ive been alone too long, he thought.